Monday, April 20, 2009

Nihilism is a poison

Retrieved by PD
(event) by stripe Wed Mar 25 2009

Throw it. Watch it spin in a perfect arc until it smashes against the wall. Watch the water fan out in a crystal spray. Watch the drops fall and shatter into tiny spheres. The broken glass mingling with the wetness will reflect light in a beautiful pattern. It will sparkle like you've never seen - rather, like you've seen but never felt. So easy. So perfect. Create the breathtaking sequence of seconds that will - for a flash of delight - redefine your aesthetic. Just throw it.

...But the moment's passed. You hesitated, and lost the will. Or did you stop yourself? You aren't ready to give in to destruction. The chaotic impulse has, once again, been overridden. In your mind, the cup breaks, the water sprays, the light shines, over and over, a false memory of wishful thinking. Your desire will be stuck on repeat until you cave... but the moment's passed.

Is this the ninth time? Tenth time? Have you been counting? Next time it won't just be a glass of water. All those glasses of water add up to a project, or a relationship, or your car plus another. Oh, sure - take martial arts, paint like Pollock, go to one of those junkyard therapy places that let you smash old TVs with a sledgehammer. Compromise. Accept substitues. Imitate the real thing so many times that the shadow takes on substance. Hope that the substance weighs so heavy on your heart that those dark leaping urges are stilled.

It won't work. Just throw it.

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